Anger Defused

His crossed arms answered her question before he spoke.

“No, I won’t do it. What if I get caught?”

“You won’t! Stop being such a wuss!” She gave her little brother a disdainful stare and crossed her own arms. “Now are you in or out?”

He couldn’t believe it! Here was the sister he had always looked up to asking him to commit a felony, just so she could get back at her cheating boyfriend. His body shook at the thought of being caught … again.

“I’m sorry, Lil. I hate Rex for what he did to you but I refuse to do something that could get me arrested!”

“Why won’t you do this one little thing for me? I’ve always done whatever you asked me to do for you.” Lil flung her arms in the air then put her hands on her hips.

She paced crazily, all the while glaring at Robert, as if it would make him change his mind.

Robert turned his back to Lil and looked out the window. He hesitated, not wanting to tell her the truth yet.

“I just can’t do it. I can’t tell you why now; you will just have to trust me when I say that doing what you are asking would get me into a bigger heap of trouble than the time when you closed the garage door on dad’s brand new Corvette.”

Lil stopped her pacing and plopped on the couch, shaking her head. “I have yet to hear the end of that one. Dad still swears I did it on purpose because he refused to let me drive it.” she laughed. “Ok, fine, you win.” She threw her hands in the air to indicate that she was giving up the idea of stealing Rex’s car and burying it at the town dump. There had to be a better way to get back at him and she would come up with it and carry it out on her own.

Robert sat next to his sister and hugged her. His secret was safe for another day.

This fiction piece was written for Write on Edge‘s prompt More Than Words.

Advertisements
Leave a comment

5 Comments

  1. This makes me wonder what he did to have gotten caught committing some kind of crime the first time. They both strike me as teenagers which also makes me wonder how he's keeping the secret from his sister. The one concrit I have is maybe see if you can rephrase her actions when she gives in so you don't have to repeat the same body language or outright tell she was giving in. Maybe something like sighing and giving the brother a hug?

    Reply
  2. When I first started this, I thought they were much younger – perhaps mid teens? Then, as the it continued, I realized they must be older.What was interesting about this was that it hid so much. What did her brother do? What did Rex do? What was she asking her brother to do?My only concrit is that I wasn't sure who the protaganist was during this piece. At first, I thought it was the girl. Then the brother's voice started to come through. It might have beens stronger if it had all been told from one perspective. Overall, great use of the prompt!

    Reply
  3. I also liked how much was hidden. I wanted to know what he's hiding! Although close to the end I developed a theory. :)The age question is a bit disconcerting, I agree, b/c the sister, at least, is acting like a teenager–as you mentioned, it's a very immature little prank to play out of revenge for being dumped, but then you wonder about the "felony" bit.All in all, the brother is far and away the more interesting of the two. Hope you'll explore him in other prompts!

    Reply
  4. I loved that you left her plan until the end — even if they aren't teenagers, and it is an immature idea, I know there are plenty of immature adults who would think something like that was totally appropriate…You have a few misspellings/minor editing things to clean up — swares = swears…Corvette is a proper noun.I'm not totally opposed to adverbs, but the sentence "She paced crazily" — crazily caught my eye as maybe being a lazy way out of actually describing her more specifically. Not that I'm calling you lazy, LOL, but I think you could show us more than just using that word — what makes her pacing "crazy" — is she stomping? Turning quickly? Kicking stuff as she paces? I'm just throwing out some ideas, and don't have an answer.And I almost wonder if you could just drop the word: we already know she's upset, and the fact that she is glaring at Robert the whole time tells us a lot about her mindset at the time, too.Keep up the good work, I can definitely see this going somewhere — you leave us wanting to know more about both of them and their stories!!

    Reply
  5. I laughed. Siblings asking each other to commit felonies over something as petty as a spurned love, so nice! I have actually had friends during my beginning twenties that were so dramatic. You do want to try to make more of a distinction between the brother's personality and the sister's. Here it seemed almost too close.The POV was mentioned before. A good way to edit for POV is to "re-write" the scene from first-person perspective. It will help fish out any problematic areas quickly. Try from both his perspective and then from hers and allow yourself to be surprised by the characters' reactions. I think I personally would like to see this from the brother's point of view. He has a secret, a private motivation for not helping his sister. This is the juicy sort of drama that truly captures a reader's imagination.Okay, I'm rambling now. This was a brilliant scene and I absolutely love these two so far. I love your take on the prompt and I'd love to see where this story will go!

    Reply

Comments make me smile!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: