Missing My Babies Babyhood

Last night I was thinking about something: My youngest is now 15 months old, and I am beginning to miss having a little baby in the house.

Myself and Logan at 4 months.

In the past 5 years, I have either been pregnant, pregnant with a toddler, or had a small baby and two toddlers. Now I have a preschooler, and two toddlers. I guess 15 months is still a baby, but she talks so much and runs and plays with the other two that I see her more as a toddler than a baby. When the other two were her age, each time I was already pregnant again; now I am not. It feels different, not having a little baby or expecting one.

While we won’t be having any more, part of me would like one, just because of the special feeling a newborn brings. I don’t want the pregnancy part – never did like it – nor the delivery part, but I would love the cuddle-with-a-newborn-and-smell-that-newborn-smell part again. I loved watching them sleep, dressing them, carrying them. Though I know at those times I was always worn out from middle of the night feedings, long days and little sleep, all that is forgotten and only the good memories remain.

Lila at 5 weeks old.

I’m enjoying seeing my kids grow, seeing them older and learning new things. There was a time when I thought all I would ever have was babies and never-ending diapers. But I do miss their babyhood. It went by so fast. I find it hard to believe that it was only 5 years ago (next month) when I first got pregnant. It doesn’t feel like that much time has passed.

Would I ever want another baby? Well, I know I would never want another pregnancy. After the last one I felt so worn out. My body felt drained and void of energy. I knew another one might knock me flat, so we opted for a tubal ligation. We also felt three kids was as many as we could properly care and provide for right now. They came so quickly, so close together, each one unplanned.

Daddy and Scarlett at 4 weeks.

But another baby? Maybe, just maybe. Another 5 years and we plan to move to another country to settle permanently. Maybe then, adoption would be an option. Or maybe fostering. I don’t know. Right  now isn’t the time but maybe the future will be. Just maybe I will again be able to smell that newborn smell, cuddle a tiny body close to mine, again experience having a little baby in the house.

Or maybe it won’t happen and I will have to wait until (eek) grandchildren arrive. (Makes me feel old just saying that, ha.) However it happens, it will be special, and the memories it will bring will most likely make me teary-eyed.

Isn’t motherhood wonderful?

What do you miss about your children’s babyhood?

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  1. U r not alone in that Mercy! As ur youngest baby starts growing, the yearning for another one is always there…But common sense has to prevail :)I love the smell of those beautiful bundles too…ahh

  2. Ha ha! Its always nice to have somebody speak your thoughts aloud eh girls? Yep adoption or grandparenting is definitely an option Mercy! Love the way Jayden smells when we hold and cuddle him and I can even see the Mister going 'ga ga' again 😉

  3. Oh!!! The new baby smell. I haven't thought of the new baby smell in awhile. My little guy is 3 and these days all I smell is dirt and goldfish.

  4. Aww so sweet. I do miss their babyness but I don’t miss the sleepness nights and endless crap. I am learnig to embrace the tween/teen years and the fun that brings.

    • I am so over the sleepless nights. Now, at least most of the time, they all sleep through the night. I tend to still wake up a few times.

  5. Like you, there are certain aspects of babyhood that I miss. My youngest is three and I feel like I am able to enjoy it a bit more this time around because I don’t have another one coming along. I do love that we aren’t as tied to naps and schedules as we were when they were so much smaller.


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