|Myself and Logan at 4 months.|
In the past 5 years, I have either been pregnant, pregnant with a toddler, or had a small baby and two toddlers. Now I have a preschooler, and two toddlers. I guess 15 months is still a baby, but she talks so much and runs and plays with the other two that I see her more as a toddler than a baby. When the other two were her age, each time I was already pregnant again; now I am not. It feels different, not having a little baby or expecting one.
While we won’t be having any more, part of me would like one, just because of the special feeling a newborn brings. I don’t want the pregnancy part – never did like it – nor the delivery part, but I would love the cuddle-with-a-newborn-and-smell-that-newborn-smell part again. I loved watching them sleep, dressing them, carrying them. Though I know at those times I was always worn out from middle of the night feedings, long days and little sleep, all that is forgotten and only the good memories remain.
|Lila at 5 weeks old.|
I’m enjoying seeing my kids grow, seeing them older and learning new things. There was a time when I thought all I would ever have was babies and never-ending diapers. But I do miss their babyhood. It went by so fast. I find it hard to believe that it was only 5 years ago (next month) when I first got pregnant. It doesn’t feel like that much time has passed.
Would I ever want another baby? Well, I know I would never want another pregnancy. After the last one I felt so worn out. My body felt drained and void of energy. I knew another one might knock me flat, so we opted for a tubal ligation. We also felt three kids was as many as we could properly care and provide for right now. They came so quickly, so close together, each one unplanned.
|Daddy and Scarlett at 4 weeks.|
But another baby? Maybe, just maybe. Another 5 years and we plan to move to another country to settle permanently. Maybe then, adoption would be an option. Or maybe fostering. I don’t know. Right now isn’t the time but maybe the future will be. Just maybe I will again be able to smell that newborn smell, cuddle a tiny body close to mine, again experience having a little baby in the house.
Or maybe it won’t happen and I will have to wait until (eek) grandchildren arrive. (Makes me feel old just saying that, ha.) However it happens, it will be special, and the memories it will bring will most likely make me teary-eyed.
Isn’t motherhood wonderful?
What do you miss about your children’s babyhood?