Crazyness

It’s a rainy day today. I love rainy days. I find the rain makes the world around me peaceful in a way. The children are all napping so that helps too.
It’s been 3 weeks since Scarlett was born. 3 weeks! They’ve gone by so fast, yet I don’t feel much better than I did the day she was born. Ok, well, I do feel better, as in I don’t have pain any more. I guess I’m not recovering as fast as I thought I would. I still can’t walk at a normal pace, or stand for very long. I can only do jobs that let me sit while I work, so you can imagine that hardly anything is getting done around the house. The most I do is a load of laundry daily. I’m thankful for my washer cause it does the hard part for me. Imagine if I had to wash my clothes by hand!
But I look around the house and wish I had the strength to clean it. Just yesterday our neighbor’s daughter came to play and I felt so embarrassed by the state of the house. Good thing her parents didn’t show or it would have been multiplied by 10. She probably didn’t even notice the mess. I can’t even make myself clean. My body is setting limits for me and I am forced to listen. It’s good and bad at the same time.
Learning to juggle the care of 3 is a new challenge. I find myself having to decide who needs the most immediate attention and who should wait, and the baby isn’t always the one at the top of the list. Just take this morning for example: Glad left to do some grocery shopping and I was home alone with the monkeys. Lila needed a diaper change so I got busy with that. While changing her, the baby started crying so I planned to take her next, but in the middle of it all, Logan managed to fall off the bed backwards and hit his head so hard a huge lump came up immediately. So once Lila was dressed I had to turn my attention to Logan who was crying so hard. Of course, his crying increased the baby’s crying and I had both of them screaming as I tried to put ice on Logan’s bump and he screamed in terror at the thought of it. I finaly left him as the baby was just miserable and when I picked her up, she had to burp. Poor thing, I know how painful that is. Sometimes I wish I had another pair of arms so that I could manage all of them at once, but such is life. I think learning to juggle balls would be easier than what I have to do each day, and I’m not yet back into all I normally do in a day. I won’t have any kind of rest when that starts.
I keep thinking about how slowly I’m recovering, and how if after each caesarean your body takes longer to heal, I’m thankful that this was the last one ever. I remembered a story I once read (a true story) about a woman in the 80’s who had always wanted 10 children. She found that her labors would only progress to a certain point and then go no further, so she was forced to have caesareans. After her 3rd or 4th child she discovered that her pelvic bone structure was such that a baby would not be able to fit, so she could never have a natural delivery. The crazy part is that she went on to have the 10 children she had wanted. I keep thinking she must have been insane to willingly put her body through this 10 times. I don’t know how some people (and I do know some) are able to have 10 or more natural deliveries let alone so many caesareans. Of course her case is a freak. Most people don’t go beyond 3 or 4, if that many, but I do wonder what it was that kept her going each time. Either she was just plain crazy or she had strong faith that God could keep her body through each delivery. Imagine, she had to find a new doctor for almost each delivery after the halfway point, as hardly any doctor was willing to take the risk. I can only think that her faith was very strong cause she did it. She had the 10 she had always wanted in a way that most people say is impossible.

My scar is aching at the thought of it.

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1 Comment

  1. I'm so sorry honey that you've had to suffer this, some things are hard to understand.I am so thankful that you are still here with us ,fighting to see things through but please still go slow as your body dictates, your hubby and little ones ned you to be around for a long time,I'm sure they'd all agree that your healing has priority over all the other work. You've been so brave and passed through so many things. I am proud of you. love you forever Mom

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